Most of us girls are easy to buy for. Valentines to us are flowers, candy, lingerie and cards. Lots of red hearts and smoochy kisses. What can we gift our husbands that will tickle their love fancy. As fun as red boxers covered with kisses or tickets to watch a romantic movie, men would like us to know that there are others things they like. Let's look at three things that men really want.
Remember to say "Thank You" for all the little things your man does. Men enjoy our thoughtfulness. When we admire our men it increases their confidence in our love for them. Have you considered the power we woman have in our man's lives? Many women don’t understand how their level of approval or disapproval, their look of love or disgust can deeply affect a man’s sense of well-being, connection and value.
What ideas can you think of that will express "acknowledgement"?
If your man hears criticisms all the time from you it is a big kill buzz. He may just stop doing anything at all that you wish. Remember to tell him how much you appreciate him and what he does. Appreciation increases a man’s self-esteem.
What have you noticed your man doing that you can "appreciate"?
We as humans want acceptance. Our men want to be accepted as they are. I heard it put this way, "Men marry hoping the woman will never change, while women marry hoping their men will change." ~Albert Einstein
Make your man feel that your love for him is genuine. He is your lover, not your project. Ponder on this: acceptance DOES NOT mean agreement.
How can you let you man know you accept him?
Comment what you can gift your man for Valentine's Day. I love new ideas.
Reading the first chapter of "A Woman's Guide to Spiritual Warfare" spoke to me the loudest, not because it taught me how to fight the enemy, but rather, that I had to face my own opposition to fighting. I never verbally expressed my unwillingness to fight. I guess I never even realized I was in opposition at all, until reading this book, "A Woman’s Guide to Spiritual Warfare". The very first chapter hit my right between the eyes.
I have been very prideful labeling myself a lover and not a fighter. I was a peacemaker. I was not a trouble maker. I was a good girl. But, like some good girls we have our head in the sand. When I opened the book up for the first time, chapter 1 "But, I never wanted to be in battle" caught my attention. I dove into the book knowing that some how I would be excused from fighting. No, what happened was I became knowledgeable about Satan's plot to destroy me, my family, my marriage, my finances, my whole world and that sitting by passively was not obeying God.
There are verses in the Bible like, "...the violent take it by force...” "We struggle not against...but authorities, principalities, and powers." If heaven on earth was to be mine, then I must join the forces to fight Satan's tactic to destroy me.
With reading about Deborah, I was encouraged for she, too, was doing her job and letting others deal with the situation at hand. But she became more incensed about what was being done to her country men and laid aside the work she was called to do. Many times I can get caught up in the dreams and goals of my life and can be so engrossed in the good, that I refuse to look at the evil that Satan is doing. But as a good example, Deborah stood up to fight. I realize that just because I don't want to fight, isn't enough. I will have to learn to listen to God and obey his instructions to fight the fight that is before me. I draw on my faith in God and that He will act on my behalf as he did with Deborah. She was not impressed with Sierras’ strength. I will not be impressed with Satan's puny tactic. She knew that God spoke to her and He would fight that battle for Israel. I have the assurance that as I listen to God's Word, his instructions and act in faith, He too, will go before me. I really don't have to fight. I just have to stand on His word.
What about you? Going through hell lately? I can so relate. I hope this blog helps you to look around and take notice of what is going on and what God can do through you and me.
Nothing can be so sad, than to hear a female client tell me she has lost the connection her husband. It is sad because they feel it is hopeless. But, I must tell you falling in love can happen; it is not completely hopeless. However, dear female client it will take work on YOUR part. You can not make someone be appealing to you, talk sweet to you or even be intimate with you. That would take mind control. The only mind you can control is your OWN MIND.
(If you have suffered abuse or infedity, then I would tell you to find a great coach/counselor to help mind and heal the relationship.)
There are a couple of things to think about men and connection or intimacy before you give up on finding connection with your man.
Men have emotions, too.
They feel emotions just like women, but may not speak of these emotions. Women are wired for relationships and men are wired to protect and provide. This is basic human understanding. Men are not weird creatures. God has made them a tad different. Be patient with you man. For him to express his emotions that he may not even acknowledge, there must be safety. You are the one who controls how safe he feels in your relationship.
Men want to be understood.
Many men can not even verbalize the feelings they have. Try to read between the lines. Like when he describes an activity you both did together or how he was treated at work by a coworker. Think about what he is saying and find the emotions he may be having. It is not necessare to name them to your man, However, you could say something like, "I noticed the smile on your face when you described the good time you had" or "I saw the worry on your face as you told me about work today."
He will notice this little difference and may even add to what you say. If you keep this up, you may notice he is connecting with you again.
Comment below if you have anymore questions or want to tell me how connection is growing again.
In the book of Galatians the apostle Paul had a problem. He was writing to people who genuinely wanted to live a good life, full of love for God and others and at peace with their neighbors. Yet, they struggled with living in a society with many ideas and teachings. They were confused. In Gal 5:6 Paul is telling them to keep their eyes on the most important thing--faith working through love. It is the path to Christian freedom. Many other scriptures point to love as the cornerstone of Christian virtue and the highest calling. I think this wisdom is worth guiding us and navigating us amidst the storms of life. Faith, work and love all help guide us through a difficult journey. Marriage is a life journey that if allowed to be guided by the highest calling of love can survive the most difficult misunderstanding or hurt.
See how faith working through love can guide your marriage to a safe destination.
Faith is the "substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Heb 11:1). Faith points to hope, even hope in things that we cannot see. This principle applies to relationships. Couples hope for something. They have faith that their relationship will be full of love, care, fidelity and intimacy. Even before they met each other, they had faith that such a relationship could happen and that they would be a part of it. This is why couples who are in serious relationship trouble are so heart broken and despondent. They are losing their faith that love can rescue, restore and redeem their relationship.
You have heard it said, "Relationships take work." It is true. The work should be positive, fun, healthy, warm and encouraging. Relationships should not be drudgery. Think of the world of rock climbing. It is exhilarating. It requires conditioning for strength, skills for safety and risk-taking for excitement. But the rewards at the top of the mountain are immense--a great view and a feeling of accomplishment for succeeding at climbing that mountain. Working on a relationship should be similar kind of work. It is no coincidence that Paul paired faith and work together here as two parts of this phrase. Some people overemphasize faith. They pray and sit back or wait and hope that the partner will change. But they do NO work. And others overemphasize work. The relationship is a duty, a task, a project. Who wants to be someone's project? Paul put the two together because it takes both to achieve what everyone wants---part three, LOVE.
Love brings life to faith and work. It is the warm bond that connects partners. Love is the nurturance that every human needs and craves. It is the cornerstone of Christian virtues and the description of God. Love is spiritual. It is the embodied human experience of the love of God. "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Cor 13:7) Love involves our whole self at its fullest.
These three things are the foundation you build your marriage on. Build on this foundation and I believe you can stick to your dreams and desires of a great happy marriage. This Faith working through Love is my steering wheel I hold on to while helping couples improve their relationships.
I invite you call for your free experience of working with me. I will give you a test of how marriage coaching works. You will experience the hope needed to continue on your faith filled journey of LOVE.
All my best,
I love you.
If I love you I must tell you truth.
I want your love.
I want your truth.
Love me enough to tell me the truth.
The author of the book "Caring Enough to Confront" has penned a great word with creatively working through conflict--"care-fronting"
We feel warm and comforted with the word CARE and yet feel that the word CONFRONT is mean. But I agree with the author that both words provide the balance of love and power for leading effective human relationships.
Many times the common thing is to keep care and confront distant and separate. But changing our mindsets around confrontation can actually fuel us with courage and integrity. You know how it feels to want to say the truth, but you may hold back out of fear. Any fear that is present in your relationship takes up space and love suffocates. Feel the fear when you want to confront, but hold back. Sometimes there is no other way to really be truthful with care-fronting.
Notice the options that arise when conflict is present:
"I'll get him."
"I'll get out."
"I'll give in."
"I'll meet you halfway."
"I care enough to confront."
Basic options yet how often we don't choose the one that will bring truth and honesty.
I help couples learn how to find their truth and walk in the truth with love. We practice caring and confronting with respect for each other's feelings and understandings.
Here is an action step you can try when faced with confrontation.
Visualize your partner having his or her ideas about the issue and not having a problem with YOU. Be a listener and ask questions that show you are listening. Ask for their solutions. Be sure to look at your partner in such a way it appears you are saying "Tell me more."
This step will help change your mindset around confrontations. Changing our mindsets is the first step in many for working out relationship issues.
Please share with your friends and family my article...and try reading David Augsburger's helpful book.
On Facebook news-feeds we have seen and read about the doing away with the teaching of cursive writing. Personally I believe cursive writing allows us to have our own individual signature. Some one posted that doing away with cursive writing would lead to our signing with an X. It is so difficult to see things that means so much to our identity being removed and each day we are faced with more changes to our traditions.
It is sad to loose another way of life that has just deep roots to our memories and identity. I would like to challenge us parents and grandparents to not depend on our schools for the training of our children. We need to stand up against the machine and be heard and not stick our heads in the sand. Let's take up the slack.
Let's turn this negative into a positive.
I propose we make learning cursive writing a game. Make a game of learning a secret penmanship. Remember when we all learned how to speak Pig Latin? I have fond memories of my daddy telling us kids the legend of how it was used and we all went around with our secret language.
What ideas do you have for keeping and making traditions that last?
Please share and let's keep this topic of interest out in public. Like and share on Facebook.
Look back on your dating life. Can you remember the people with whom you have experienced the obsessive-can’t-stop-thinking-about-you,all-consuming, feels-so-good-it-hurts, kind of attraction. Did you plan this attraction? Did you go out and create this attraction? Did you know that it was going to happen when it did? I would say probably not. It happens to us all.
Attraction is a powerful force that occurs within you as a certain combination of behaviors, appearance, scents, voice, and personality are blended to create a unique formula that pulls you toward the object of your affection like an inescapable magnetic force. Can you say, "WOW?"
I was not able to escape the grips of attraction. Attraction is there to cause us to want to spend time with another person. So powerful we forget to eat, sleep or talk to another of the opposite sex.
Attraction is a feeling process, not a thinking process. The ability to think correctly flies out the window when we are in that powerful attraction mode. The pull can't be explain and although our thoughts influence our feelings we can not make sense of these attraction behaviors.
How many times has attraction led you to a relationship that was not good for you? We soon realize that we are not in charge when attraction kicks in. In retrospect we ask ourselves..."What was I thinking?"
The good news is that we do not have to act on every experience we are attracted to. Our attractions can exist without our having to act on them. We do not have any control over who we are attracted to, but we do have control over if we chose to respond to the attraction.
When you feel these strong attraction pulls realize that it is there to only bring you closer to that person. That magical pull will reside sooner or later. Attraction will not be the glue, but real love. Real love and commitment will last. Premarital education is the key to get to the real person you are in love with. Premarital education will ask get to the reality that your crazy in love mind is blind to.
Go to Premarital Education to read more.
The Lord God banished him (man) from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. -Genesis 3:22.
I am moved in my spirit when I sense the pain that God must have felt as he drove Adam and Eve from out of the beautiful garden. The Garden of Eden had everything man and woman could ask for. Beauty, adventure, spiritual fellowship, rest and peace. Man and woman were sent out from the garden to live out the consequences of disobedience. I challenge you to wonder about the love of God; how He longs to bless us and give to us such good gifts yet, we go our own way and do what we feel is right in our own minds. Ponder on how your decisions and actions are keeping your marriage garden from growing stronger and beautiful.
Do you feel as if you have been banished from the Garden of Marriage to the desert of worry and conflict? Do you feel the pangs of defeat, worry and fear. Will he provide for me, will she cheat on me, will I ever feel close and intimate again with my spouse? --These questions may run rampart through our minds when we are not living within the godly principles of marriage.
Here are 10 Biblical Principles of Marriage. These principles will be the seeds for growing a Beautiful Marriage Garden.
Principles-seeds for your Marriage Garden
1. Man needs a wife.
2. Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman, initiated by exchange of vows.
3. Husband is the head of, and responsible for the marriage.
4. Husband is commanded by God to love his wife.
5. Wife is commanded by God to respect her husband.
6. The husband & wife become joint heirs in life.
Genesis 2:22, Psalm 128:3
7. A wife is God's Grace to the husband.
Proverbs 18:22, Proverbs 19:14
8. Wife is the most powerful influence over her husband.
Genesis 2:25, Proverbs 12:4
9. Marriage is a sexually, intimate & passionate relationship.
Genesis 2:25, Proverbs 5:18-19
10. Marriage is the mystery of Christ's relationship to us.
After reading each verse, ask God to show you areas that he would like you to work on. Even if you are not sure if these principles are in your marriage, trust God to help you implement as many as possible.
Recognizing the principles that are presently in your marriage will give you a sense of peace because you are doing marriage God's way. Try adding those principles that are missing. Take note in the weeks to come how your marriage garden grows more beautifully.
I would love for you to share this blog on Facebook and leave your comments below.
How Can a Love Plan of Action Help Your Marriage?
Are you fully in control of your love life? Is your marriage meeting your needs? Do you have a clear and definite idea of what your marriage should look like? And are you currently taking the necessary steps to create your ideal marriage?
If not, then you run the risk of experiencing a failing marriage. We have all heard that those who fail to plan, plan to fail. Ouch! This is the key to the awesome marriage coaching provided through the Happy Marriage Programs. A Love Plan of Action that is designed with your marriage in mind. Your plan will be what meets your needs, not some other couple’s needs. Your needs are considered and will be the thrust for building a Happy Marriage.
All too often we neglect to work on our marriages and then we find ourselves feeling unloved, unappreciated and misunderstood. The big three: Communication, Lack of Intimacy and Conflict are in the forefront of everything happening in a marriage. The big three cause a lot of problems for those once “love birds”. See if you can recognize yourself:
Todd goes to work each day, thinking that his work is showing Mary how much he loves her and the kids. Mary one day doesn’t kiss him good bye and is too busy with the kids to even say hello when Todd returns home from work.
Weeks pass by; Tom doesn’t want to say anything because he is sure that Mary is mad at him. He doesn’t want to cause Mary to be upset more than she already apparently is. Mary is sure that Todd is seeing someone else because he is avoiding her. He never tells her he loves her anymore.
One day, a debit was forgotten to be subtracted from the checkbook causing a major loss of money. Mary was responsible, but had let that one receipt fall by the way. Tom already feeling rejected saw this as Mary’s revenge toward him. All the ugly thoughts came spilling out of the mouths defending, intimidating and blaming.
Unfortunately the couple had never learned healthy communication and had not understood the dangers of negative thoughts for their spouse. This couple is heading down a slippery slope toward divorce. With marriage education and a specialized Love Plan of Action couples like Todd and Mary CAN refresh and revive their marriage.
In order to have a happy marriage, you must be proactive. You have to take charge and change the way you think about your marriage and spouse. Once you take back control of your marriage you will soon realize you will need to know what you want in a marriage. What does a happy marriage look like to you and your spouse? If you never considered what you wanted and worked to get it, you end up with a less than happy and unfulfilled marriage, all by chance. You will want to know what you want and then have a plan to get there and start moving!
Love Plan of Action is a structured way doing just that, take a look:
So let’s start the process now!
call 770-307-7759 to set up a session with Mama Love Coach
I read the post "10 Habits of Happy Couples" over at SFGlobe. Wally Kessler and I practice these every day. My favorite habit is #7
1. Go to bed together-if one wants to go to bed, the other runs to see who can hit the bed the fastest. I like to make a game of it!
2. Cultivate common interests-we sing karaoke together, we watch certain shows together like, Food Network, and American Ninja, golf, etc.
3. Walk hand in hand-Wally and I hold hands in the car. I especially love it when he takes my hand when we are crossing the road. This one in particular makes me feel really safe and cared for. (I can't explain it, but it does)
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode-we are all humans,so we all have flaws. We both choose to forgive and believe in each other's best intentions. #4 makes loving each other so much easier.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right, than what they do wrong-focusing on the positive side and looking for the good in each other makes room for more love to grow. We choose to see the good and focus on those things.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work-so important. It makes each of us feel we are home in a safe place. I love this like #4!
7. Say "I love you" and "have a great day"- Words that affirm are like an extra kiss in the morning. We always remember to wish each other a day of more love and peace.
8. Say "Good Night" every night-we say goodnight as a seal as we sleep. Our love covers each other and protects are hearts. A simple goodnight and I love you is magical.
9. Do a "weather check"-during the day one of us will text or call to check in. Asking how and what we are doing. It makes us feel wanted and thought of. I can't image a day when my darling man would not call and say "what ya doing?"
10. Be proud to be seen with your spouse-I love that Wally is my man. He is so strong and wise and kind. I am proud to walk with him by my side. He thinks I am so pretty and tells me how much he loves me with him.
What is your favorite habit in your marriage?
Debbie Kessler loves her husband, Wally Kessler. She is a southern girl who loves Jesus and loves building up people to do Good Works of Love.