Learning to deal with anger is important for all our relationships. There is a lot of misinformation and many have belief systems about the anger emotion that is not healthy. Some people believe they should hold back their anger. But, as we all know, we lost it from time to time. When that anger spills out can it can have a lasting effect for days, weeks or months. Then, what about the person who lets their anger just hang out all over everyone? It is as if they like being angry! That is NO FUN. Hopefully we can learn how to have balance in our emotions and deal with our spouse as mature adults.
For this post I will list 5 behaviors that lead to anger
1. Overloading your schedules
2. Expecting others to cater to your every whim
3. Criticizing and nagging your partner by looking for the worst in them
4. Worship of money and possessions
5. Don’t listen to another person’s point of view
Overloading your schedules
Tempers can flare when work and home life go head to head. Many times two income families are driven to be successful, they their children to be successful as well. It is the American dream--Success. The family is torn and twisted trying to meet every outside activity that demands attention. Combine that lifestyle with having providing a healthy dinner on the table before everyone is carpooled to their activity and Dad is still at the grocery store because the check out lane is slow. Couples need to really evaluate their family life and the job responsibilities and plan more effectual time together. I suggest the family decide what they core family values are and decide to live healthier than so driven by success. A little leisure time and relaxation. This will have a calming effect on the
Expecting others to cater to your every whim
Imagine the anger in the woman who is the only one who works, does all the house work, and pays all the bills. She is not allowed to have friends or go out socially. On top of everything, her husband is very emotionally distant, rarely shows her affection and appreciation, yet expects her to go above and beyond for him on a daily basis, giving him back-rubs and buying him whatever he wishes. When she does say no, he tells he will find someone who will. Her tolerating this behavior is eventually going to lead to her blowing her top and walking out!
Criticizing and nagging your partner by looking for the worst in them
He feels unduly annoyed if she complains about him another time. Whatever he says or does her alternative is to contradict with her ideas. Her ideas are made to appear as an idea from a know-it-all and this irritate him further. This irritation grows further and further as more and more criticisms are made. This will likely erode his self-esteem. And anger is piling up and steaming with each nag or criticism.
Worship of money or possessions
She is calling him a spendthrift. He is saying she never can save money. Tensions are fuming as both try to defend their idea or belief about money. He has money taken out of his check for a separate saving account. She purchased a dress and didn’t write down the debit in the checkbook. He or she is anger! Money is a serious issue in marriage. This is probably one area that couples have a difficult time working out.
Don’t listen to anothers point of view
If there is unresolved tension between spouses, this can also serve as a wedge between them if one or both will not listen to one another. It can be irritating and upsetting to perceive that you are not being listened to. If it seems that the spouse never listens, then trust and connection can be severely damaged. When the connection is lost, the situation is frustrating. Anger lives with frustration.
All my Love,
When and how does your anger show up? Let's talk about it 770-307-7759
Debbie Kessler loves her husband, Wally Kessler. She is a southern girl who loves Jesus and loves building up people to do Good Works of Love.