Practice the Art of Openness
Do you practice being "Open" to new ideas and experiences? For being open increases our capacity for change. When our minds are “open” to making our relationship stronger and intimate we are already 50% successful. Our being open is actually a form of “showing up”. Our showing up or being open begins the change. Within the changes we can experience feelings similar to sitting in front of a slot machine...you are anticipating what might happen. You are excited thinking about what the slot machine will give you in return for your bid. It’s your birthday and you imagine what contents lay in that beautifully packaged gift. If your mind is negative and remembers back to all the other gifts that DID NOT make you happy, then it is likely that you will not look forward to opening that package. We can experience the same feelings when wishing, praying and hoping that our marriages and relationships would change. Our minds have a huge effect on how we view life and relationships.
Ways to be more Open
1. Learn new things-reading and watching, studying and listening are ways to learn new things. Learning new things gives us more options and expands our horizons. We have more to draw from within our minds. In marriage, learning what makes your spouse feel loved will immediately open you up to a revived marriage.
2. Monitor the Non-Verbal Cues-being open means sitting facing your spouse with your arms in your lap. A closed off person has their arms crossed and appears to have a wall up. It may feel comfortable to fold your arms, but to be more OPEN, we must be conscious of how we are appearing to our spouse. The tone of our voice also must be monitored. Ask someone you trust about way you speak. Is it downgrading or is your tone encouraging and open?
3. Listen Carefully to Others-Stop talking and carefully listen to what your spouse is REALLY saying. Many times what a spouse is saying is just listen to me so that I feel you care about me. When your spouse needs your solutions they will ask. Don’t be so quick to offer solutions and miss the opportunity to make your spouse FEEL loved. Listening is a Love Action.
4. Ask Real Questions-asking “How was your day?” is a closed question. You will probably received the usual…”fine”, “okay”, “busy”…Think of real questions that allow your spouse to shine for their accomplishments. A great way is to put yourself into your spouse’s shoes—what would you want your spouse to REALLY ask you?
5. Stay in the Moment-being really interested in your spouse shows a great deal of love. Staying in the moment ties into listening and asking real questions. You will help your spouse anticipate your inquires of their day, their feelings and their ideas. Stay in love by being open to your spouse.I hope these ways and ideas help you look forward to the possibility of new experiences in your marriage. Being open brings uplifting and energetic thoughts. Our thoughts will bring actions and behaviors.And who doesn’t love to experience a surprise! Anticipate what may come from having your hand on the lever
Debbie Kessler loves her husband, Wally Kessler. She is a southern girl who loves Jesus and loves building up people to do Good Works of Love.