Not everyone is comfortable developing emotional intimacy – but if you don’t – your relationships will remain hollow and often difficult to maintain. Below are a few tips for connecting that we hope will assist you in your life’s journey.
In close physical proximity; without invading their space, talk to the one you care about at the heart level without worrying about how uncomfortable you may feel. Remember this moment is not about you, it is about them and how they feel.
Make statements such as:
I want you to feel how much I appreciate you
I’m so privileged to have you in my life, business, family, etc.
I am so pleased with your level of understanding
I love your unselfish ways
You are valuable to me and to others
I want you to feel loved by me
I’m so glad God made you the way He did
I can learn so much from you
If you make the effort to sit down with them knee to knee, eye-to-eye, you can bring a sense of calm to the other person. When the time is right you can ask them the following types of questions and accept their answers.
Do you feel loved by me? If not, what can I do to help you feel more loved?
Do you feel as though I understand what goes on inside of you? If not, what can I do to help you feel more understood?
Do you feel as though I cherish and validate you as a person?
Do you feel like I put my job or other people before you?
Honor them. Take some time to just relax and enjoy that person on an individual basis. Avoid talk about rules, expectations, or controversial subjects – just be in the same room together.
Making statements such as:
I believe you are something special.
God used you in my life when you did ______ or when you said_____.
I’ve been noticing these positive character traits in you. Keep up the good work.
I saw that you did ____without my saying anything, I really appreciated that.
Ask the person about one thing they want you to change. These moments gives them hope and builds their trust in you.
not saying “please forgive me”
being too harsh
Everyone feels nurtured when they are touched in a gentle appropriate way – without expectation.
Give them a blessing in the morning and at night.
Start and end their day by speaking words that affirm their lives.
Bless your children with prayer before bedtime and again in the morning before they start their day. (If applicable)
Help them to resolve issues with other people.
Encourage them not to let the sun go down on their wrath, hurts, or misunderstandings.
Show them how to look at others eye to eye so they can do it in their own lives.
NOTE: Try to do this at least a few minutes every day, for each person you care about. If you can make it 30 minutes a week minimum, you will see your relationships change in the way you have always wanted. This does not happen without effort or a bit of awkwardness.
From a spiritual level, my husband and I are already in union with each other on this earth. When I chose him as my love partner it was because I hoped we could supplement and support each other in our physical, mental, emotional, material and spiritual needs. Although we can not give what the other does not have, we can work together finding mutual self-fulfillment.
We must reach out beyond ourselves and reach toward each other. As we grow spiritually, our love will flow out like a river. We will cease to try and protect our emotions and hide our needs, we will reach out and meet their emotional needs and in due time we will reap what we give out. We will be refreshed by the River of Love. Choosing love is the greatest act one can give another.
Choose to love your spouse; but can you choose to love unselfishly?
Ultimately, our only lasting source of security and fulfillment is our relationship with God. Developing this relationship allows us to develop the inner security and inner fulfillment. With that inner security, we can afford to be more understanding toward our partner. We have less fear, and thus, we can listen more carefully to the other and respond to his or her real needs, rather than be defensive or protective of our own. When we are sure within our-self, we can love the other unconditionally regardless of what he or she does because we are not dependent. We love the other and choose to be with him or her out of love and not out of need.
Real growth in spirituality will continue to choose love over and over again.
I enjoy this song from David Steele's Relationship Coaching Institute and want you to feel the words of love.
Debbie Kessler loves her husband, Wally Kessler. She is a southern girl who loves Jesus and loves building up people to do Good Works of Love.