Please enjoy this guest blogger and contact her if you would like her coaching services.
The cardinal stood straight and tall. His beak pointed to the blue sky. He sang a morning song for us. Suddenly with speed and grace he flew to the birdfeeder. God’s brilliant color of red stood as close as possible next to his female counterpart. He secured seed in his beak and then began to feed her. He fed her beak to beak.
My husband and I enjoyed this moment of God’s beauty displayed to us as we drank our morning coffee on our patio. I thought, ‘this is good’. I was sitting with a man who is my best friend and the love of my life. We were drinking in the moment together.
However, I must admit there are times I have missed beautiful moments due to my own distracting thoughts. God has continued to transform my heart so I can enjoy his love and beauty in my marriage. God loves us so very much and desires for us to give and receive his beautiful love in our marriage relationships. So, why don’t we? What holds us back? How can we experience more beautiful moments?
We need to be comfortable in our own skin. I have lived long enough now to see culture dictate many different images of beauty to us. Hour glass figures, twiggy bodies, long legs, large bust lines, skinny lips, full lips, porcelain skin, tanned skin, short painted nails, long curved nails, French manicures, curly hair, straight hair, thick eyebrows, thin eyebrows… There is no end to what is dictated to us as personal beauty in our society. As you are reading this blog more images are being produced to entice and leave us feeling “less than”. Feeling “less than” can lead us to one of two reactions. We try many different “beauty secrets” and are never satisfied. This reaction might lead many women to drastic physical changes. Another reaction is to give up on self care totally. We may feel like we are not worth the time of a little pampering.
We must allow God to stop the image madness in our minds and hearts. We must replace dictated beauty images by embracing our beautiful image. God created each one of us in his image. We are a reflection of his glory and beauty. He does not desire for you or I to look like someone else. YOU are his beautiful creation. This truth must become a part of your and my inner most being. This truth enables us to enjoy living in the beauty of marriage and expressing our own personal beauty. I encourage my clients to take some time and embrace their beauty by listing all their lovely qualities from the inside - out. A healthy confidence allows our unique inner and outer beauty to shine in our marriage relationship.
Remember your spouse is created in God’s image. He has his own unique gifts, talents, and needs. Your unique beauty was made to encourage his gifts and talents. Your beauty was formed by God to meet his unique needs.
Express your beauty. As women we have the honor to express God’s beauty in our own unique manner in our marriage. Take some time to consider how expressing your unique beauty would show love to your husband.
v Express your beauty in your surroundings. One woman might like to place a china plate full of fresh baked cookies on her husband’s desk. A table set with a mason jar full of daisies and your husband’s favorite deli sandwiches is easy and simply beautiful! How do you express your beauty in your surroundings?
v Express your beauty with your appearance. Take a little time to look appealing and pleasing to your spouse. Wear colors and clothing that compliment beautiful you. Listen to your spouse. Notice when he compliments you the most. Is it when you wear certain colors or styles? Perhaps he thinks certain colors bring out your eyes. Maybe he likes the way your hair softly lays on your shoulders. Wear your hair in a style he likes and is flattering to your face shape. Ask him what he likes about your appearance. Listen to him and BELIEVE him! Wear fragrances that are appealing to your spouse. Also remember that wherever we go we are a reflection of God’s image. We are also are a representation of our marriage. Express your beauty in your appearance.
v Express your beauty with your spoken and written words. A fun loving woman might leave humorous love notes in unexpected places for her husband. She has studied her man and knows what makes him laugh.
My husband is a pastor and musician whose love language is Words of Affirmation. On Sunday afternoon I have said, “Great message today honey! I liked the song you sang at the end of the service.” His response has been, “thanks”. I was sincere in my compliment and he was honest in his response of, “thanks”. My beauty through words was not expressed. My husband’s need for affirmation was not fully met either. When I have expressed how the message moved me to action, his face lights up. We then engage in deep and meaningful conversation. I have affirmed his unique teaching gift. I have learned the difference between casual compliments and affirming words. Casual complements give brief moments of encouragement. Affirming words breathe lasting life into my man.
Your husband may respond to a different love language than mine. Even so, expressing your beauty with spoken and written words is an expression of God’s image. Love notes, texts, phone calls, cards, and poems are some of the methods of expressing your beauty to your husband. Another is to engage him in conversation. Ask him questions about certain topics. Listen to his opinions. Learn about his interests.
My husband and I don’t have a perfect marriage. However, we have a really good one. God has transformed our hearts. We are less preoccupied with busy schedules and selfish needs. We understand his truth about our images. We also grasp to a deeper level God’s great love for us. God knows where every bird is and provides for each one. Yet, he cares even more about us! We are relaxed, secure, and comfortable. Living in the moment and embracing God’s beauty with a couple of cardinals is the norm for us now.
Life Purpose Coach/Image Consultant
It is my pleasure to invite Paula Tobey to be a guest blogger. She would love for you to find out more about her after reading her article. Check out below and we look forward to your comments below. ~Love Coach Debbie Kessler
Many parents find it very difficult to have intimacy in their marriage especially with small
children in the house. It can be even harder when one or many of those children are in any way, needy. As kids get older however there is a myth that it is easier to have intimate relations.
And, as a matter of fact, I personally have found it more challenging because I don’t think about it during the day. I have however discovered that if I do a few small things over a period of days it helps a lot. I need to set a reminder on my phone to send a love note to my husband during the day. That way I actually think about the fact that it matters to him. I have been known to go in and change the time so it is less obvious to him J (lets be real ladies). But anyway, I have been doing these little things daily and I can report they really do help!
Join with me, if you are at a place in your marriage where you may need a boost, Take the 5 Day Flirting Challenge. See what it can do for you in your marriage!! Just be careful not to be so “into” day 5 though, you might just wake up the children! LOL.
Take the five-day flirting challenge.
Challenge yourself to five days of flirting (yes, in a row) with your man. Incorporate as many of HIS love languages as you can.
Day One – Leave him a fun or flirty note.
This could be on the seat of his car, on his bathroom mirror or on his coffee pot in the morning. Some of the things you could say are: I love you. You’re the best dad. Those jeans are really working for you.
Day Two – Brag on him.
Say nice things about him In front of his kids, his mom or his best friend. And if he can’t be around to hear the bragging – then report back to him. It still counts.
Day Three – Buy him a treat.
Get him something that he doesn’t have to share with your kids. Like his favorite snack and beverage, get him a book or magazine he enjoys or you can buy him something that goes with his hobby.
Day Four – Send him a text.
Again, fun and flirty are the keys here. (And, “Don’t forget to pick up milk!” doesn’t count.) Try using words that get him to whip his head saying, come again?
Day Five – Wear something besides a T-shirt to bed.
After you have done these 5 flirty things, come share with us what you did! What did you *try* new? Tell us how he responded. J
The reasons we mothers need to put forth the effort for our men, often indirectly affect our children. We seem to be more prone to try harder if it means things are not going well and that in turn rubs off on the kids. This is fine motivation, but let it not be the only motivation. Let’s think of this as doing it for your ‘own good’.
Paula Tobey is a Healthy Living Coach and Speaker and resides in Houston TX with her two daughters 7 and 9, and her husband Seth, of 16 years. She is a former teacher and now coaches parents as well as a speaker to groups about various parenting topics.
For more information about Parenting and having PheMOMenal Life, check out Paula Tobey’s two websites at www.parentingspecialchildren.com and www.phemomenallife.com
Share your thoughts about the 5 Day Flirty Challenge and share us on Facebook.
The business of life, the 9-5 job, the babies that need rocking, the clothes that need washing, the supper dishes, the yard work…takes your attention and zaps your energies which results in dulling your sexiness. Spending more time and energy trying to wrestle life manageable leaves you thinking and possibly spewing out your mouth: “not tonight!”
Your lover is now questioning your sexual desire and their ability to please you. Men and women both face this questioning. If this happens time and time again then a sexy vibrating relationship will dry up and the “love life” will suffer.
Sometimes it is easy to doubt if our "love life" problems will ever improve. If men and women blame each other for the problems, then a solution will likely never surface.
The NUMBER ONE (False) assumption spouses have about improving the sex in their marriage is their spouse is different.
That assumption is wrong.
Time and time again--after one learns how to make
sex fun, instead of a chore, and how to please their
spouse--REALLY please their spouse--something amazing
Their spouse changes!
Suddenly--their spouse isn't avoiding sex. They are initiating it.
Now, instead of "barely being there"--their spouse is truly "into it."
And the reason this happens is really very simple. We are motivated by pleasure and success.
When there isn't much of either in the bedroom...no one (including your
spouse) is going to be motivated. No one is desiring to be frustrated or a failure.
But...when we start to experience pleasure and success...and fun...
we want more.
It is that simple!
So...you should highly consider TRYING to change things before you give up on them...
Both men and women can learn to be seductive. Seduction is simple displaying all your good parts in a very alluring package. This display can be done in various different manners. It can simply start by the way you carry your body. The way you smile as you look at each other. Try little loving gestures of kindness. Linger a little longer by his side. Look at her lovingly before you kiss her goodbye. If you start thinking desire and seduction you will be desirous and seductive. Sexiness starts in the mind, first.
Desire and Seduction work together. We must learn how both these powerful feelings work in ourselves and our mates. You want to be desirous to your lover. You want your lover to turn you on. These powerful forces can be your ally in fighting the bedroom boredom's.
Take the time and energy to invest in your love life by thinking sexy, by reading godly articles and books about sexuality. Both you and your mate will start to see boredom in the bedroom change to desire and fulfillment. ~Debbie, the Love Coach
Not everyone can afford to spend big money on romance ever time, but a bit of creativity can get the same results without breaking the bank.
So my girlfriends and I agree that a nice dinner and a good bottle of wine at a quiet, intimate restaurant will set the mood for romance, but have you seen the price tag? As much fun and romantic an evening like that is, not everyone can afford to spend big money on that type of romance ever time. But we got together with a bit of creativity and came up with some ideas that won’t break the bank.
Yes, many people know about ‘his and hers’ items like bathrobes and towels, there are a number of other items that can be enjoyed together as ‘couples’ items. Try getting matching T-shirts with cute sayings on them. Have matching his and hers overnight bags, coffee mugs, bicycles, cell phones, cars, holiday ornaments, tennis rackets, rocking chairs and even matching carved pumpkins on Halloween.
Surprise your partner by making the ordinary a little more special. If he or she is enjoying a good book, remove the bookmark and replace it with a note that says, “I bet you’ll never guess where I’ve hidden your bookmark.” If they always turn the TV on when they come home from work, tape a note on the television that says, “Wouldn’t you rather turn me on?” instead.
Here is a fun memory maker activity that will bring romantic rewards even on a budget. Challenge your partner to remember the most romantic kiss that you’ve seen in a movie. This will lead to some discussion about romantic kisses and should enhance the mood. As a surprise, buy that movie one day and try to recreate that special romantic kiss! Keep it in a special place and re-watch it whenever the mood strikes. If you can’t agree on the single most romantic kiss, go ahead and create a top five list. This tip works for anything. Another idea is to list the top five most romantic songs; the top five most romantic movies; the top five most romantic books. You see the pattern. Make sure to go ahead and buy the books, songs, movies or whatever so you can use them in the future.
My very confident girlfriend laughed as she told us about her romantic plan: If you want to plan the ultimate romantic evening but funds are low or you simply don’t want to have to leave the house, shut down the electricity and imitate a power outage (it’s up to you whether or not you tell him or her!). You won’t have any distractions or heat, so it is up to both of you to keep the other warm and entertain each other.
It’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t enjoy an Oreo cookie. Take an Oreo (or generic version of one), scratch the top of the cookie until smooth and then scratch a heart and your initials into the smooth surface. You can also make your own cookies and create personal messages. Another version is to make your own cupcakes and frost them with special messages in red icing. You can also give your spouse a true treat and track down a box of his or her favorite Girl Scout cookie.
These 5 simple ideas are sure to warm up any relationship. Don’t be afraid to try simple tips and changes to “routines” to spice things up without having it cost a fortune!
Need more help other than romance ideas? I offer one/one coaching you to a Happy Marriage. Call for your Free consultation. 770-307-7759 Love Debbie
Debbie Kessler loves her husband, Wally Kessler. She is a southern girl who loves Jesus and loves building up people to do Good Works of Love.