The progressive Divorce Free Marriage Course offered through my coaching is based on the fundamental belief that with the right skills almost every marital issue can be resolved. You may think that fighting and compromise is inevitable in a relationship. But here at the Happy Marriage Care Center we want to set the standards higher. The Divorce Free Marriage programs will teach you how to avoid fights and build deeper intimacy with effective communication skills, conflict resolution strategy and intimacy building. Couples who want to save their marriage will learn:
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Everyone has this HUGE desire: TO HAVE OUR NEEDS MET. You and your spouse have this mutual desire. Your relationship survival depends on your needs being met. Your relationship has a better chance of being long and happy when you and your spouse feels loved, wanted and appreciated. One of the biggest reasons relationships do not work is the spouses do not even know what needs the other has. Sexual needs are easy to spot. Basic needs like food, clothing, water, oxygen, and shelter are obvious. I am talking about emotional needs that are not usually discussed and are usually not even realized It is very important for your emotional health and for your marriage to have those relationship needs met. Meeting needs is a way to stay happy and stay together.
The best way to get your needs met in the marriage is by making sure the other person knows just what those needs are. Have you ever tried reading your spouses mind? Not much luck in that and if you try to second guess, you can spend a lot of time and energy failing. You can't read minds, and you should not expect your spouse to be able to ready minds either. Both partners in the marriage should take this seriously and learn more about each other's needs.
Needs are human. Needs should not be considered weaknesses. Look at it this way. Having your needs met enables you to become who you were destined to be. If you did not have basic needs like shelter, food and water, you could not better yourself. You most likely could not even earn a living. Your emotional needs are just as important.
SOME NEEDS IDENTIFIED: (just a sampling)
CONNECTION: ACCEPTANCE, CLOSENESS, APPRECIATION, COMMUNICATION, EMPATHY, TRUST, TO BE UNDERSTOOD, ETC.
MEANING: GROWTH, CONSCIOUSNESS, CLARITY, TO MATTER, DISCOVER, PURPOSE, ETC.
HONESTY: AUTHENTICITY, PEACE, HONOR, ETC.
PLAY: JOY, HUMOR
AUTONOMY: CHOICE, FREEDOM, INDEPENDENCE
Have you ever thought about some of the above needs in your own life? Did it occur to you that your spouse and even your children have needs other than the basic survival needs?
The secret is stepping out of your own wants and needs long enough to lean what your mate needs.
Sometimes, simply having the conversation about your needs can strengthen the relationship and will make it a lot easier for you to keep each other happy. Even if you are uncomfortable having such a frank discussion, you should do it anyway. Telling each other your needs is better than hinting or expecting them to be psychic.
Always remember we can only change ourselves. We can not change our spouses. I recommend prayer; it works and it also gives us the grace to continue to be committed to our marriages. Love in marriage is not a noun, it is an action verb. We will either stop loving our spouses or we will continue to love them.
With my coaching tools, you will no longer need to second guess or try to figure out what you spouse needs. You and your spouse can know for a fact what your temperament needs are.
THE MOST ACCURATE TEMPERAMENT TEST AVAILABLE AS A PART OF THE HAPPY MARRIAGE PROGRAMS OR YOU CAN PURCHASE SEPARATELY HERE: 97% Accurate Test
Do this for You, for your Spouse and for Your Marriage.
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Ever felt like your marriage was out of sorts. Sometimes feel as if you are finished trying to make the marriage work? Want to desperately get the love back? Then you're going to have to use a strategy that will help you get your marriage back and not cause your spouse to head for the hills!
Firstly remember that just because you want your marriage to work, your spouse may not want to work at it. If you've broken up before and your relationship has become a breakup/makeup merry go round, pretty soon one or both of you will want to one day get off that particular ride for good. So, there is a chance that they might have reached this point, no matter what you now feel and want.
Secondly to get your marriage back on track you're really going to have to look at the relationship as a whole, not just the parts you're comfortable looking at, because only then can you begin to find out what's causing the problems.
If you need outside third party help to scrutinize your relationship, then it's always worthwhile getting that help. If you have good and honest friends who will tell you what you need to hear, as opposed to what you want to hear, then talk to them.
You should also understand that to pull this off you're going to have to stop acting on whim and emotion and start working a well thought out proven plan. This is probably the most crucial step you will need to take, so get yourself under control. Sit down and plan to do whatever it takes to stop running around making things worse – stop calling them, texting them and trying to force they to see you because begging and pleading won't work.
Instead, occupy yourself by getting healthy, meet new people, take a class, and get fit, whatever it takes to help you re-focus and approach the whole situation from a point of clarity and calmness, is what you need to do.
Especially take the time to look at why you want to keep the marriage, because to be honest, too many people find themselves trying to fix certain areas of their marriage and still haven’t taken the time to be honest with themselves or their spouse. So, just because you want to make your marriage better, try asking yourself what you value and cherish in your marriage. Take a good look at what you expect and what you need in your marriage.
If you've come to the conclusion that working to improve your marriage is the right move for you, then once you have yourself under control and you've thought things through, then your next move is to call and talk to your spouse.
Understand that they may very well need more time before they are ready to speak to you never mind, entertain the idea of rekindling your relationship. Your goal, if this happens, is not to force the situation. Instead, tell your spouse that you understand completely and then tell them you will give them more time to think things through. Leave it at that and continue living your life and keeping yourself busy.
Debbie Kessler loves her husband, Wally Kessler. She is a southern girl who loves Jesus and loves building up people to do Good Works of Love.