A couple who is aware of the predictors of divorce and the predictors of a lasting marriage will have more ability to combat against what works against them with what they have going for them in their favor. Being aware of your marriage health will help you design a Love plan of Action that you are living your dream marriage.
Research indicates that a “Hollywood Romantic” like marriage is fantasy and does not contain the necessary “glue” that holds a marriage together. But, marriage based on love and respect and godly principles has the “stick together” factor. Research shows that unhappy periods in a marriage are not indicative of future unhappiness. In fact, one study showed that 86% of unhappily married couples who stayed with their marriage were happier five years later--three fifths of whom were "quite" or "very happy."
Reasons Couples Stay Together
1. You want to.
2. You feel you ought to.
3. You have to.
It's not love and luck. Couples stay together when applying commitment and companionship. Commitment means that you have powerful personal, moral, and structural reasons to stay in the relationship. Companionship means that you and your partner form a unified married “team” against whatever challenges life hands you.
Married “team” partners may fight, disagree, and encounter stalemates, but they know that their happiness and satisfaction in life depends on the success of the team--not on their individual success.
Who has the Power in your Marriage?
1. The Man
2. The Woman
3. The One who pays the bills.
4. The One who loves the most.
That person has the power to turn a relationship around or run it into the ground. And that person usually never realizes how much power he/she wields until it is too late.
That person is YOU.
You have the choice to either react to the situation you're in (by complaining about your marriage, allowing yourself to be swamped by negative emotions, or feeling out of control), or to take responsibility and choose your actions. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can hurt you without your consent."
Even if you cannot change your partner's behavior, you can choose how you respond to that behavior. You can internalize the blame, the hurt, and the criticism, or you can take responsibility for your own feelings and choose to act the way you want to feel. Think again about that last concept. You should act the way you want to feel. If you want to feel more loving towards your spouse, act more loving. If you want to feel happier in your marriage, smile more and express gratitude for the good things in your marriage.
It's one of the strangest aspects of human psychology that the more you act the way you want to feel (thankful, peaceful, loving, affectionate, etc.) the more you will begin to feel that way.
Happiness in Marriage greatly depends on our knowing our own selves and also understanding our spouse. Your Love DNA assessment will help you get all the facts about your needs and wants, strengths and weaknesses. You will finally understand why you do what you do. Your spouse will want to also take the Love DNA test for optimal marital understanding.
Call Mama Love Coach Debbie (770-307-7759) or email email@example.com to have access for discovering your Love DNA
Those feelings of hurt or being slighted when your spouse didn't come home right away or failed to do what was usually expected can be difficult to deal with. Often not telling them directly what you would like can increase the anxiety and cause worry in your soul.
What about when you said something to your partner and they completely got the wrong interpretation of what you meant?
It is my view that spouses know their partner well enough and should have the ability to talk things out. For, we all want harmony and good will at home. So what can you do to prevent this misunderstanding from happening? The first step as in all conflict is to control your thoughts. Worry is not fact. We can make up all kinds of problems that most of the time will never happen. With texting and cell phones, we seldom can’t reach our partner. Allowing a few minutes to respond is only good and demonstrates healthy behaviors. Harness your thoughts and act accordingly with a calming behaviors.
Be mindful of old sensitivies from past experiences. The partner whose first husband cheated on them often will admit to needing reassurance when schedules change. Owning our insecurities with our partner and how we developed them will only promote more emotional intimacy between you and your partner. Asking for understanding and receiving it will often lead to a healing of these earlier upsets.
If you do “lose it” with your loved one, breath and give up any defensiveness and say you are sorry. Using magic words like "I am sorry" and "Let's not fight" or "I love you" help to ease feelings. It is possible that many have not heard those words growing up and this is a new experience. It will get easier with practice.
Life has enough challenges without our turning misunderstandings into full blown drama experiences. Pour faith, grace and love over your thoughts and give them to your spouse.
Debbie Kessler loves her husband, Wally Kessler. She is a southern girl who loves Jesus and loves building up people to do Good Works of Love.