The Lord said it is not good for man to be alone. Being married is more than just being with someone. It is allowing that person into your soul, into your mind, will and emotions. If we are afraid to allow people in, then how will we will be able to fully be our true selves? It is risky to allow our true self to show up. But it is worth the finding for all involved.Being your self requires communication. Communication is a process by which something is made common, that is it is shared. Many times marriage experts tell husbands and wives to communicate with each other.
Communication is a skill that can be learned. But the key skill that is required is losing the fear associated with being open and communicative. Can you tell a secret? Share a secret to your spouse? You can. You can share who you are to your spouse. You can tell who you are and they can tell who they are.
Are you being the REAL you? Are you a real man? Or are you just the man who brings home the bacon. Are you the man who wants to connect with this wife, but refuses to connect beyond your sex drive?
There has been so much talk in our worlds about being authentic. Being real. I have even talked about how we put masks over the face of our real self. The implication is that somewhere inside of you and inside of me lurks are true self.
Sometimes it feels good to let myself shine and then there are times I want to hide my true self. We think there is some justification for hiding ourselves. We are afraid. We want to be understood, we fear we will be incorrect, we might look foolish, the list goes on. Many people feel that if they expose themselves that they we feel naked or ashamed.
Fear is behind the hiding. Fear may seem like a huge overpowering emotion, but in reality, fear is just a small step away from freedom.
The beauty of being you is that you are always changing. You are not some little hard core of a person that is unchangeable. You are constantly in a process. We all are. Life is a constant ever changing world. You are an original work of art. You are beautiful and have so much good to offer others. Open up. Open up your mind, will and emotions to your spouse. Open up so that your children can see the wonderful daddy that you are. It is that important!
The greatest growth I have experienced has been in my marriage. Marriage is designed to make you a better person. If you are not changing and becoming stronger, then please re-evaluate your involvement. Let me explain. Until a few years ago, I continually used a defense mechanism against my husband. Our communication skills were being tested. When we did not see eye to eye on an issue and I felt like he did not understand me, I would resort to this defense mechanism. My husband would not accept my defense. It would make me mad, it would stop me in my place and I used that same ole cliché, he doesn’t understand me. - Quite the contrary. He could see right through my defense mechanism. I had a fear of looking bad or a fear of not being as smart as I thought I was. -Silly, silly, me. But when I was able to step aside and look at myself as he saw me I was able to face my fears head on.
I believe that the people that come into our lives are there for a reason. You can teach a meaningful lesson, you can learn a meaningful lesson. We all are born with gifts and answers for someone else.
Do not be that person who is closed off and refuses to open up and experience the people God has put into your wonderful life.
Seek love; do not fear. Perfect love will cast out all fear.
I believe that fear and anger go hand in hand. When we experience anger we usually are experiencing some kind of fear. Knowing your temperament will help you recognize your tendency for anger. Each temperament deals with fear in a different manner.
The Choleric is irritable, the Sanguine is impulsive, the Melancholy is revengeful and the phlegmatic is calm. The Supine retreats.
Wouldn’t your marriage be more fulfilling if you knew your spouse’s temperament and they knew yours? Understanding our basic needs, wants, and weaknesses is the best way to having a richer life.
It really is that simple. Learn your true self. Understand your mate, and use what you learn to better communicate and love your spouse and children.
Happiness in marriage is greatly dependent on how well each spouse understands their partner's temperament and how willing they are to meet their partner's temperament needs.
Debbie Kessler loves her husband, Wally Kessler. She is a southern girl who loves Jesus and loves building up people to do Good Works of Love.