The Problem- Some people in their confusion, perceive the problem in a very cloudy way. Sometimes they may combine different problems together, or confuse their own problems with those of others. In such situations, solutions are often impossible to find, as we have no clear description of the problem. Here are some ways to aid in defining the problem.
1. What exactly is it that you want here?
2. Describe exactly how you would like your reality to be concerning this subject (issue)?
3. How are you reacting to it? Are you upset about what is happening or more so about how you are reacting to it? or both?
(This is to determine if our problem is the events which are causing the emotions or perhaps the emotions themselves or the bodily reactions to those emotions.)
I find this so helpful when I experience a conflict or an issue. Stopping to ask myself what is actually happening and what is it I want to have happen.
ex: Spouse is angry that supper is late because his blood sugar is dropping. He is short tempered and yells at his wife. She hears the yell, sees he is upset. She must ask herself if she becomes emotional about this, what actually is she getting emotional about.
a. he yelled (his tone)
b. her feeling of failure -she let him down
c. her own anger that he doesn't come and assist her
When we are faced with a conflict or an issue, it is so important to stay calm and respond. Do not react to issues. Respond by thinking first. Stop, drop and roll method for getting out of a smoked filled room applies here. Stop reacting, drop your emotions, roll with responses.
The key to overcoming conflict it to determine what is stimulating our emotions. Stimuli can either be external or internal.
Does this help? Can you identify your feelings and emotions easily. Being able to identify what you are feeling or experiencing will be instrumental in responding in a time of conflict. I have attached a list of feelings. Look over the list and choose the words that best describe your feelings when facing a conflict. This one step will set you up closer for success in your communication during conflict and issues.
Debbie Kessler loves her husband, Wally Kessler. She is a southern girl who loves Jesus and loves building up people to do Good Works of Love.