Myth #1-All You Need Is Love People who rely on the absolute power of romance to maintain their relationships are usually unprepared for the serious interpersonal problems that eventually emerge in most modern marriages. Modern marriage will require much more than love. It requires a new awareness of the effects of life's complexities on couple hood and the development of interpersonal skills that were never needed or taught to us by our parents.
Myth #2-People Don't Really Change The truth is that most people have very little understanding of the psychology of couples and therefore go about trying to change their relationships in unproductive ways. Then they get frustrated by the lack of results and claim that this proves that people never really change.
Myth #3-We Talk All the Time, But My Spouse Doesn't Listen The reality is that most of us talk ourselves to death, but we actually communicate very poorly.The truth is that brutal honesty often encourages brutality more than honesty. Too often, spouses use their version of the truth to bludgeon their partners into submission. Marital communication is much more than honest speech.
Myth #4-When You Get Married, You Create Your Own Family Legacy You may live far from your family of origin, but its grip on you is tighter than ever. When we become husbands, wives and parents, the models we saw and leftover conflicts we experienced within our families of origin emerge from our psyches and take over our intimate relationships. Myth #5-An Equal Marriage Is Easier Than A Traditional Marriage Equality is wonderful in theory; in reality, spouses in trouble often are conflicted over gender-role expectations and responsibilities. More traditional family role models are always competing in our heads with contemporary choices.Confusion over which model to follow, unfulfilled expectations, the mutual feeling of insufficient appreciation and the unresolved resentment this fosters between spouses is killing many marriages. The only way to fully recognize the intensity of this conflict is for the couple to develop more realistic expectations and to work out what they see as a fair distribution of roles and responsibilities.
Get ready for a long discussion.
Myth #6-Children Solidify A Marriage Let's just say it: If you want to preserve your marriage, your children can come first but not all of the time. As counterintuitive as it may sound, your marriage, your spouse, must come first a good amount of the time, not only for the sake of the couple, but also so that the children have the best chance to grow up in an intact family.
Myth #7-The Sexual Revolution Has Made Great Sex Even Easier Thanks to the media, couples are saturated with images of beautiful people having great sex all the time. So why aren't they having more fun in their own bed? It's because when stress or marital conflict interferes with emotional or sexual intimacy, the lure of these images makes it very hard to stick together and do the difficult work required to resolve our sexual frustrations and dissatisfy¬factions. A couple is not really alone in bed anymore; those images that exist everywhere, of everyone else having great sex, make couples feel that they can never measure up, that there's someone else out there who's more attractive to them and that they are missing out because everyone else is having more fun than they are. In order for us to have a Great Big Life and a Happy Marriage we have to realize that we're not going to get everything we want from a partner and take those necessary steps in building a mature relationship.
Debbie Kessler loves her husband, Wally Kessler. She is a southern girl who loves Jesus and loves building up people to do Good Works of Love.